Dear ABBY: I dated a colleague when I was 22, but broke it off because I couldn’t deal with the fact that he was a few inches shorter than me. I didn’t tell him why. I simply said: “It’s me, not you.”
I am now in my 60s, had a very successful career, never married, and I see online that he became a distinguished scholar.
In his online picture, he looks like a sweet old man now and I would give anything to reconnect with him. Would that be stupid?
Was I too insensitive at 22 to realize I was likely to hurt him? Do you think she would forgive me if I contacted her now?
He lives far away, so a personal meeting would be out of the question in the near term. Would an email be ok? He is in his early 70s and single. — FOOLS THEN IN OHIO
DEAR ‘BALLAK’: At 22, you weren’t insensitive; you were shallow. Look at it from that man’s point of view.
What must he think when he receives an email 40 years after a colleague dropped it saying, “It’s me, not you”? Remember, as successful as he is now, he is no longer tall.
My advice is to leave it alone, find someone you can be physically attracted to, who lives closer geographically, appreciates how successful you’ve been in your career, and is open to a relationship.
Dear ABBY: I am a 70 year old man with no children. Every year around the anniversary of my brother’s death, several relatives get together and travel to his hometown to celebrate.
We have a memorial at the cemetery and on Sunday we go to mass together. We also go out for food and drinks. There are three generations involved now, the youngest of the children is 10 years old.
This year my cousin’s son and his wife gave birth to a child. We are all happy for them.
A few days ago, I sent a group message in our family thread saying that I didn’t think it was a good idea to take a baby on this trip.
I explained that I felt it would distract from the purpose of the meeting.
Well, my cousin is offended and won’t tell me why. I worded my message carefully so as not to say anything negative. was i wrong – TRADITIONALIST IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR TRADITIONALIST: You wrote that the purpose of this meeting is for the family to honor your late brother and celebrate his life together.
When you posted your message in the family thread, did you expect your cousin’s son and his wife to skip the event and stay home with their child?
Their child is part of the family and may be too young to be without their mother. While your carefully worded message reflects your feelings, it was out of line and I can understand why it upset your cousin.
A NOTE TO PARENTS OF YOUNG CHILDREN: If your little ones will be outside tonight, please make sure they are supervised to ensure their safety. Happy Halloween, everyone! – LOVE, ABBY
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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