Dear ABBY: I have been divorced from my ex-husband, “Paul”, for 20 years. I never married again.
The divorce was mostly my fault because I was unfaithful. We never tried to save our marriage. He immediately began dating and remarried 18 months later.
We have remained friends through four children and now grandchildren. I get along well with his wife too.
During the pandemic, I, along with a grown child, moved across the country. Paul and his wife followed us. We live about an hour away from each other. As it turns out, three of our four children have also moved to be near us.
Over the past two years, I have realized that I miss Paul and I have hopes that we will be together again. (He doesn’t know this.) I have never disrespected his marriage or his current wife in any way.
They have a unique relationship because they often spend time apart and travel to see their families without each other. I think they also take vacations separately from time to time.
I know this isn’t necessarily a measure of their love or commitment, but my gut tells me it’s not the marriage they want people to believe it is.
My gut also tells me he might feel the same way I do. I often think he wishes he had done more to save our marriage.
Should I tell him how I feel? I am happy in my life, but I don’t want to regret not speaking up if there is a chance we can be reunited and be the family I know God intended us to be. Any tips? – SUFFERED IN ALABAMA
DEAR SUFFERER: My God, you must be having a selfish conversation with the God you should have talked to before you committed adultery and blew up your marriage.
Although it may seem unusual to you, many couples visit their families separately and some even take short vacations if their spouses are not interested.
Do yourself a favor and look elsewhere for romance. Your ex and his wife may appreciate it if you do. Please consider before embarrassing yourself.
Dear ABBY: My husband got into a dispute with our next door neighbor and no longer acknowledges or speaks to him when we see him outside.
Our neighbor still greets me and my special needs daughter, but my husband doesn’t want me to answer.
He says he’s “standing by my husband.” Is my husband right or wrong? I will follow your advice in this situation. – GOOD NEIGHBOR IN OHIO
DEAR NEIGHBOR: I wish you had mentioned how serious the dispute between your husband and this neighbor was. It doesn’t seem very “manly” to involve you in this mess. Want to use it as ammunition? If the answer is no, and you would prefer to maintain friendly relations (if only for the sake of your special needs daughter), then tell your husband to fight his own battle and leave you out of it.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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